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Find yourself again after life changed who you had to become.
Find yourself again after life changed who you had to become.
Maybe you've spent years being strong, capable, dependable — the one who keeps it all together. And somewhere in all of that, you lost the thread back to yourself.
You might not even be able to name exactly what's missing. You just know that something is. You feel it in the quiet moments — a sense of disconnection, a vague grief, a question you can't quite shake:
Who am I now — underneath all of this?
That question isn't a crisis. It's an invitation.
This work is about understanding the patterns, beliefs, and emotional weight that shaped who you became — so you can find your way back to the person underneath. Clearer. Steadier. More truly yourself.
Book a Free 30-Minute Clarity Call
Personal change work in Belfast, Maine and online. Not crisis care or a replacement for licensed medical or mental health treatment.
This work may be for you.
You feel like you have spent years becoming who other people needed you to be.
You are grieving the life, confidence, ease or identity you feel you missed out on.
You are tired of overthinking, second-guessing yourself, or feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions
You look capable on the outside, but inside you feel conflicted, disconnected, or unsure of what you actually want.
You are ready to understand why old patterns keep repeating- and begin changing them
You want to feel clearer, steadier and more at home in yourself.
You are not looking for someone to fix you: you are looking for space to finally understand yourself.
When life makes you become someone you no longer recognize.
Sometimes you do not lose yourself all at once.
It happens slowly.
You become the responsible one.
The strong one.
The one who keeps the peace.
The one who copes.
The one who puts everyone else first.
The one who carries more than anyone sees.
Then something happens — a loss, a caregiving role, a family rupture, a major life change, or a moment of emotional exhaustion — and it asks a question you can no longer avoid:
Is this who I really am, or just who I had to become?
That question can feel painful. But it can also become the beginning of finding your way back to yourself.
You may be grieving someone you never got to be.
You may be grieving the version of you who never got to feel free.
The person who could have been more confident.
More expressive.
More relaxed.
More trusting of themselves.
More able to choose their own life without guilt.
More at home in your own skin.
That grief is real.
It can show up as self-doubt, people-pleasing, emotional exhaustion, numbness, perfectionism, overthinking, resentment, or a sense that your life fits on the outside but not on the inside.
The starting point is not:
“What is wrong with me?”
It is:
“What happened that made me become this version of myself — and what part of me is ready to come back?”
What Becomes Possible
You begin to reclaim your voice.
Not the voice that keeps the peace, but the one that tells the truth.
You begin to reclaim your choices.
Not choices built around guilt, fear, or obligation, but choices that reflect who you are right now.
You begin to reclaim your confidence.
Not performance-based confidence, but the quiet confidence that comes from trusting yourself.
You begin to reclaim your future.
Not the future shaped by old roles and survuval patterns, but one built from clarity, self-respect, and direction.
Not a new version of yourself. The one who was always there.
From surviving to finally feeling like yourself again.
The goal is not to analyze your past forever. It is to stop living from it.
This work is for people who are ready to stop living from old patterns and start reconnecting with who they actually are.
The work helps you look at what is driving the thoughts, reactions, and choices that keep repeating — not so you can stay stuck in the past, but so you can understand what needs to change.
The aim is to help you move from:
Self-doubt → self-trust
People-pleasing → clearer boundaries
Emotional exhaustion → steadier inner calm
Identity loss → stronger direction
Old survival responses → adult choice
Carrying everyone else → coming back to yourself
This is not about becoming someone new.
It is about finding the person who has been underneath the coping, adapting, pleasing, proving, and carrying.
Deb, your therapist and guide
Advanced RTT training with Marisa Peer, founder of RTT. October 2025
From a client:
"I have been on a healing journey for several years. I knew that I had much deep work that still needed to be done so that I could finally feel free! I have used many healing modalities and participated in several coaching programs but needed something more. If you are ready to do the work and get rapid results, Deb has a set of tools that are nothing short of miraculous.
Aside from Deb's experience and training, her kind and thoughtful demeanor create the safe space that is needed for this type of coaching. I felt comfortable and relaxed enough to allow her to guide me through different exercises even though I knew sensitive topics and strong feelings may emerge. I will definitely continue to trust Deb as a continued resource for healing and growth."
Lesley
61F31AD6-8923-4A1E-840F-5DF6868BA505.movHow the Work Unfolds
The goal is not to analyze your past forever. It is to stop living from it.
We begin with what is happening now: the patterns, emotions, decisions, and inner conflicts that are making you feel stuck.
Then we look beneath the surface.
What did you learn to believe about yourself?
What role did you have to play?
What did you have to suppress, prove, carry, or become?
What part of you was never given permission to exist?
What part of you was left behind?
From there, the work focuses on change: loosening the hold of old beliefs, creating new emotional responses, and helping you make choices from where you are now, not who you had to be.
The first step is a simple conversation
Start with a free 30-minute clarity call.
We will talk about where you feel stuck, what has been weighing on you, and what you want to change. You can ask questions, get a sense for the work, and decide quietly whether this feels like the right next step.
Why I do this work- and why it matters to me personally.
I came to this work through both professional experience and lived experience.
For 15 years, my background was in teaching, music, and the performing arts. I worked with people on confidence, voice, expression, growth, and the courage to be seen.
Then my own life changed.
I became a carer for my mom during her COPD struggle, and then my stepdad during his cancer journey. That role quietly reshaped everything--who I was, what I did, and what I thought I knew about myself.
From career to carer.
After he died, I was left with grief, unresolved inner conflict, and a question I could not ignore:
Who am I now?
Finding my way through that question changed the direction of my life. It gave me a deeper understanding of what happens when you lose yourself through responsibility, grief, family patterns, or years of being strong for everyone else.
Now, I help others find their way back to themselves — not through pressure, performance, or pretending everything is fine, but through clarity, emotional honesty, and meaningful inner change.
I bring to this work a background as a Certified RTT Therapist, RTC Coach, former educator, and rehabilitation counseling professional. Full details are available on the Credentials page.
or email deb@transformativetherapyandcoaching.com
or email deb@transformativetherapyandcoaching.com
Transformative Therapy and Coaching offers personal change work in Belfast, Maine and online. This work may support emotional insight, personal confidence, Identity, self-trust, and growth. It is not crisis care, medical treatment, diagnosis, or psychotherapy, and is not a replacement for care from a licensed medical or mental health professional. Results vary.
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